One year ago tonight, I was 41 weeks pregnant.
One year ago tonight, I was sitting here at the computer.
One year ago tonight, I was having contractions every five to ten minutes.
One year ago tonight, I was excited to meet you.
One year ago tonight, we had a family of 4.
One year ago tomorrow, I went to the doctor.
One year ago tomorrow, I got to see you on the ultrasound.
One year ago tomorrow, you were unresponsive.
One year ago tomorrow, they said you stopped growing.
One year ago tomorrow, they said you couldn't wait anymore.
One year ago tomorrow, they said they were going to cut me open again.
One year ago tomorrow, they said they were going to take you out of me.
One year ago tomorrow, I went to the hospital.
One year ago tomorrow, I walked, crying, into the operating room.
One year ago tomorrow, I heard your first cries.
One year ago tomorrow, I looked into your beautiful eyes.
One year ago tomorrow, I mourned my lost birth.
One year ago tomorrow, they said, "At least you have a healthy baby."
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3 comments:
Oh Mama. Birthdays are hard aren't they. I am so sorry your birth did not go as you would have liked and that they told you at least you have a healthy baby. Your emotional health matters too. Please know that, and feel free to email me/call me if you need to. (I'm on the MDC phone list).
omg. eliza. everything you just wrote hit so close to my heart. i remember crying as I was going into the operating room....
i didn't get to hold my baby though or look into her eyes :(
i remeber being told the same thing... "atleast you have a healthy baby"
Thinking of you. I'm glad you are writing about it, and mourning it all.
I'm glad you (and I and everyone else who had a c-section) have healthy babies, but I'm also glad we are able to share with eachother the pain of losing the birth we wanted.
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