It seems like lately all my blog posts are nothing but my complaining...well, here's another one.
I have removed part of this post. Please accept my apologies, but there were some things that were stated out of anger that I have removed. I also removed some comments that were referring to this part of the post. No offense meant to the ones who commented, please don't take it that way.
It broke my heart today that I hurt my little man. Lucian stuck something up his nose, so I had to get it out. The whole time he was crying. I hate knowing that I caused him to cry. It wasn't so much that I actually HURT him, but he didn't like having his hands restrained so that I could get to his nose. When it was all over, we just hugged and cried for a long time. I think I really needed that cry.
On a (sort of) different topic, I am also a bad wife. I hate cleaning, but nobody else will do it. Apparently because I'm home all day, the house should be immaculate at all times. I can't. I just can't. I try, but it seems like no matter what I do, its not enough. I've even thought of asking for help, but its gotten to the point that I would be ashamed for anyone to see my house. I need help, but I'm not sure what kind.
Again feeling like a horrible mom today, because my kids had to have oatmeal for dinner. I hate having to try to answer a 5 year old who's asking, "Mommy, why don't you eat? Aren't you hungry?" when the answer is yes, I'm hungry, but if I eat, there won't be enough for you. Growing up, I never thought I would be THAT mom. I wasn't going to be the one that had to invent things to eat out of the 3 ingredients in the house. I wasn't going to give my kids cold cereal for 3 meals in one day. I wasn't going to be her...but I am, and it kills me. Sometimes I think that my kids would be better off living with someone else, but I wouldn't be able to live knowing that they weren't with me.
I need a hug.
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4 comments:
::hug:: it's all i've got today.
Eliza, I have so much to say, but can't really say it here. Let's try to talk soon, OK??? Do you have my e-mail?
*HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS*
And many more because if you are THAT mama, then I have a HUGE amount of admiration for you. Just hang in there - good days are a commin!
Also take Tiff up on her suggestion. Let him freaking HAVE it when he messes up, doesn't listen, etc. Just a cuff on the ear to teach him that it just is NOT cool to smack anyone! Ever! And to teach children that is to perpetuate the most evil of all crimes. You are a GREAT mama!!
Oh and your hair looks FABULOUS! :D
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